Never Let Me Go
by bankss
Summary: AU!Modern World. "Stripping is the only way that keeps me linked to him. It's the only way I'll ever be close to him again." Peeta Mellark is still holding on to the death of his boyfriend. But, as time goes on will he ever learn to let go?


_**Author's Note: **Ok so if you're waiting for Fall Over or Waiting Game updates, you'll have to wait a little bit longer. I have this story and 1 other story that I'm working on to publish so FO and WG updates will come later. I feel like I need to publish 2 other stories (including this one) in order to fully complete my writer's resume (I guess you can call it). So, by my next update I should have 4 stories in total running and then I'll update all of them. It won't be much longer so it'll be alright. I hope you enjoy this one, it's a little sad but it gets better._

_I really enjoyed writing this story because it was written straight off of the cuff. It was just a thought and I strung words to it and voila! It's different from other stories because usually I have a plan, an outline for the chapters, and a plot. With this one it could really go wherever it wants and I don't really know where it's going to end up. It's not going to be a long story, but I'm still excited to write it. Hope you enjoy. _

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><p>Chapter One<p>

"Can you light me up?" I ask Cato, who holds a silver lighter in his right hand. His blonde hair shimmers in the dim light and is cropped up, like a wave that never comes down. His electric blue eyes are even icier in the given darkness. He flickers the lighter on and a small flame illuminates the dark night as we stand out in the alleyway. This alleyway always creeps me out and I only use Cato for security. He's brawny and buff, and can probably snap someone's neck if he wanted to so at least he's useful for something. But just as he's about to put the lighter to my cigarette the flame disappears and he draws his hand back.

"It's gonna cost you," He grins and I roll my eyes. I really don't have time for this. I have to go back on in a little while and I really need a smoke.

"What do you want?" I ask.

He takes another drag of his cigarette, "A lap dance."

"Never."

He just chuckles and blows out smoke, "Guess you won't be getting a smoke today."

I watch a cat scurry across the alleyway taking refuge under a giant dumpster. Newspapers, old food, beer bottles litter the alleyway and I just wish the strip club could clean it up once in a while. Just because the men who pay for us are pigs doesn't mean that we have to be pigs, too.

I sigh, caving into my needs, "Fine I'll—"

"There you guys are!" Cinna bursts through the backdoor and I almost have a mini heart attack.

"Peeta you need to get ready," He says and I watch as his gold eyeshadow shimmers in the light. His tight black shirt is the same color as his short-cropped hair and outlines his smooth, caramel skin nicely.

He opens the door wider and I step inside, thankful to get out of the cold night that January brings. I look back at Cato who only shakes his head, "I'll come inside in a minute," he murmurs.

I nod my head and shut the door behind me. We walk to the dressing room which is pack-full of half-naked men. Cinna leaves to check back on whoever is currently dancing and I set off to find Octavia. I find her waiting for me by a lonely vanity. Her dark green hair sprouts up from her head in spikes and her ears sport mouse earrings. I slip off the robe that I was wearing and watch as she gathers glitter in her hands.

"You'll just need a little touch up from your last show and you should be good," she says in her high pitched voice.

"Peeta, you're up in 5," I hear Cinna say across the dimly lit room. I nod my head and let Octavia finish patting glitter onto my body. The bright specks of gold adorning my body before I go on for another solo performance.

"The crowd just loved you tonight," she says, running her hand down my bare abs, making them glittery and appealing for the audience.

"With an ass like that, who wouldn't fall in love with 'Lover Boy'," Gloss says snidely eying my ass, which is only clad in a bright orange thong. He gives me a wink and I want to gag. Gloss is attractive, I'll give him that, but he's an utter idiot. Self-obsessed, vain, selfish. I only tolerate his presence, and that's on a good day.

I roll my eyes and watch Venia slowly draws silver swirls across his toned body for the grand finale later tonight.

I feel a hand slap my ass and I jerk around to see a smirking Cato. The worst kind of Cato.

I didn't even see him walk in, I guess that's a specialty of his.

"Got that right, Gloss," he says, his smug look just urging me to punch it off of him. But before I can say anything back, Cinna comes through the dressing room door, "Ok Peeta, show time."

I can only glare at Cato, who smirks harder. Octavia finishes putting glitter on my body and she whispers, "Go get 'em," before I leave her presence.

I weave my way past the other strippers getting ready and I make my way to Cinna. He guides me down the dark hallway, my feet bare and cold on the floor. I see Castor and Pollux, "The Wonder Twins" leaning on the wall smoking cigarettes. Their sandy blonde hair plastered to their foreheads and sweat glistens their well-toned bodies. Castor nods his head to me and I watch a bead of sweat roll down his face. His cerulean eyes stay focused on me as I walk the hall and I feel a bit uncomfortable. The twins can be a little intense, that's probably why the audience loves them. We reach the end of the hallway and round the corner to a small hallway leading up to the main stage. I look at Cinna and he nods his head in encouragement. I walk up the large, black steps and onto the stage, which is barren of any light. I hear small cat calls before I take my place and I know that the crowd is ready for a good show. Slow music begins to play and the lights gradually come on. My hips begin to move and I turn to face the crowd.

The room is packed full of lust-filled men and I can smell their horniness from the stage. I'm glad that I don't have to entertain any of them one-on-one tonight. _Thanks Cinna. _

I strut forward and grab the silver pole in the middle of the stage. I slide down it with my legs bent and spread open like an eagle. I poke my ass out and I see dollars thrown onto the stage. I slowly rise up with the pole in between my legs.

The music picks up and thumps to the sound of my beating heart. I spin around the silver pole with my leg tucked in it. I grind myself around it, gyrating with the rhythm. I know the crowd is loving this by the amount of money that litters the stage. I wrap my legs around the pole again and twirl. I get back on my feet and step away from it. I get on my hands and knees and edge my way slowly towards the end of the stage.

And then I spot him out in the distance.

I could point him out in any crowd. Staring at me with those green eyes, always managing to give me a shudder. I love it. I love him. The way he makes me feel, even when I'm so numb I can't even feel my toes. Only he can bring a spark in me that has me seeing stars for days.

He gets up from his seat and I see that he is about to leave. _Wait, don't go._ The back of his bronze colored head bobs through the crowd and I can see he's making his way to the exit. I call out his name but he keeps walking. I reach out for him but he doesn't reach back. _Why aren't you reaching back?_ I whisper his name but I know he can't hear me over the music. Hands reach out to slide money into my thong, but I only want his hands touching me. My whispers turns into a yell but his name is lost on the music.

"Finnick!" I yell louder but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm screaming out his name. I jump off of the stage and land in front of an old man sitting at a round table. One of his hands is in his pants and he looks shocked and aroused at the same time. It's gross but I recover from the sight. I weave between the tables and I finally reach him. I spin him around expecting those sea green eyes, only they're brown. _What? Where's Finnick?_ I hear my thoughts come out of my mouth and I clutch Finnick's impersonator's collar with my bare hands. "WHERE'S FINNICK?"

Soon, I feel a bodyguard lift me back and I feel tears streaking down my face. I scream his name but he stares at me bewildered. Soon, he's out of sight and I find myself on the red couch in the back of the lounge.

"Peeta!" I hear someone else yell but it isn't Finnick. I still scream his name but it isn't him who's yelling back. The next thing I know there's a stinging pain on my cheek and I can feel it burn my pale skin. Cato glares at me with those piercing blue eyes and I know I've messed up.

"Peeta! Snap the fuck out of it! He's gone! He's fucking gone!" He screams into my face and the tears have turned into a mad river streaming down my face.

_I know he's gone. I fucking know he's gone._

"But he was there," I choke out, my voice betraying me and cracking. Cato rubs his temples and lets out an exasperated sigh, "No he wasn't,"

The sounds of my weeping echoes through the room and he lets out another sigh, "Peeta you've got to stop this."

I hear his words but I still yearn to find Finnick. Cato continues, "Peeta," his hand touches my bare knee, "Finnick isn't coming back," I weep even harder and I feel his trenchant stare puncturing my heart.

"He's dead, Peeta, you've got to accept this," his voice is steel. Cold and unforgiving.

"No!" I cry out. He can't be dead.

"He told me we would live forever. Just me and him against the world," I say weakly.

Cato sighs once again and he murmurs something to the bodyguard Gale. "Get him home, he's done for the night."

Gale grumbles something but I can't hear it through the sounds of my own pitiful noises. He grabs a spare see through robe and drapes it around me.

He helps me up and we begin to walk towards the door. I look back as Cato says something, "Don't come back until you've gotten over Finnick."

_That'll never happen._

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><p>"So," Gale tries to make small talk but I stare out of the window of his Range Rover. The stars shine brightly out in the midnight sky and my jealousy of them has never been greater. There are so many of them and they all have each other up in that lonely sky. But me, I'm all alone down here. My only star returned to the sky.<p>

"Don't," I whisper, not wanting to talk to anyone, especially him. No one will understand my pain. This pain that gnaws at my heart and allows me to attack innocent strangers. I hear Cato's words ring in my head, _"Finnick isn't coming back." _He will come back. He always does.

I see the flashes of the lampposts on the street. Orange lights whizz by and I close my eyes waiting for this nightmare to be over. When I open them, Gale is pulling up to my apartment complex and stops in the parking lot. This isn't the first time that Gale has driven me home, it's slightly annoying that he knows where I live, but I'm secretly grateful that he does. The bus ride of shame would've pushed me over the edge.

I whisper, "Thanks," and get out of the car. I head up the stairwell and come to my floor. Buttercup hisses at me and I hiss right back. I hate that cat. With its ugly upturned nose and puke yellow eyes, I don't know what Finnick saw in that cat.

I come to my door and a pale yellow paper hangs loosely from it. I almost rip it off and ball it up, when I see the bold letters reading "EVICTION". _No. This cannot be happening. _Before I know it, I've sunk to the ground and my head lies in between my tucked legs. I crinkle the paper in my left hand, forming a fist with it between my palms. Warm water flows from eyes and I know this is it. It's over.

I cry harder and I sprawl out over the ground. My tears create a small puddle and I wallow in it. I hear Buttercups' tiny tongue lapping the tears of the puddle. The floor is cold, but I don't care at this point. The rats can finish me off.

A time passes, and I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. And then I feel him lifting me up. He slightly tugs the paper from my hand and uncrinkles it. I watch as his grey eyes scan the paper. He tucks it into his coat pocket and lifts me up into his strong arms.

"Oh, Gale!" I cry out, not caring if I wake the neighbors.

"Hush," he says, but I sob even more. He carries me to his car and tucks me into the passenger seat. He takes his place next to me and starts up the car. We ride around the city and I have no idea where we are going, but I let him take me. My sniffling and sobs are the only thing interrupting the looming silence. We arrive at a mansion of a house and I assume it is where he lives. It's on the edge of town, near a forest of woods. He parks the car into his driveway and opens my door. He attempts to lift me again but I stop him.

"I got it," I whisper and he steps back. I get out of the car and he just stands there, giving me a pitiful look.

"Well?" I ask, slightly irritated at the way he looks at me as if I'm some helpless animal. Although, I probably do look like a helpless animal, naked and wide eyed. He just shakes his head a little and turns around. I follow him up the driveway and up the stairs of his beautiful home. I wait as he unlocks his house. I look around at his large green yard. _How lucky this bastard must be. _He pushes the door open and I follow him into his house and I completely melt at how cozy it is. Two black couches forming an L shape, a flat screen television above the fireplace, a clear glass coffee table in the middle of the living room. A black leather chair sits near the couch, a recliner with a cup holder on its arm. The left side is a simple dining room with a long brown table in the middle of it. A kitchen is adjacent to it and is well furnished with metal pots and pans, a stove, microwave, and other expensive looking appliances.

He takes me up to the second floor and shows me a spare room.

"You can sleep here for the night," he gestures to the plush bed that is more than likely bigger than the tiny kitchen in my apartment.

I look him right in the eye and ask, "Why are you doing this for me?"

He sighs and looks away, a hand running through his dark hair, "Just get some rest, okay?"

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><p>I wake up and find myself in someone else's bed. <em>Where am I? <em>I rise up and scratch my head and watch as the leaves rustle on a tree outside of a window. The yellow color of the leaves remind me of that disgusting cat Buttercup. And then the events of last night flood back into my mind. I see him lick up my tears as I'm sprawled out in the hallway of my apartment complex. I feel Gale's arms wrap around me to pull me off of the stranger I attacked, off of my apartment's floor, out of the seat of his car. Oh.

I pull the thick blankets and get out of the bed. I hear noises coming from downstairs and I wander down the steps. I turn the corner and find a woman standing with her back to me in the kitchen, over the stove cooking something. Her brunette hair is weaved into a single braid that flows down her back. She's singing the tune of a song that I've never heard before. I stumble into the kitchen closer to her and I ask, "Who are you?"

She jumps a little and spins around, her grey eyes are large as if she's seen a ghost. Or an unfamiliar stranger wandering into her kitchen. She grabs a knife that is lying on the counter and points it toward me.

"Gale," She says, her voice husky and low. I put up my hands defensively right as Gale walks into the kitchen.

"Whoa, Katniss what are you doing?" He grabs the knife from her hand, but she continues to glare at me. Stormy grey eyes unwavering.

"Who is this, Gale?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at me.

"This is Peeta," He gestures to me and I feel even smaller in one of the shirts he loaned me.

"Why is he here?"

"Chill out, he's from work," One of her eyebrows raise and I know this must look suspicious as Gale works at a strip club and I'm a stripper.

"So why is he _here_?" she ask, still not impressed with my sudden relevance.

"He was evicted from his apartment and needed a place to stay, plus he had a bad night at the club,"

She turns around and goes back to cooking what smells like scrambled eggs.

"Well get another plate for him," She mumbles and I watch as Gale chuckles and kisses her forehead.

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><p>The clinks of forks hitting our plates is the only thing that breaks the tense silence at the table. Katniss just gives me cold stares that reflect off of my sky blue eyes. I glance out of the glass door of the patio, the clock that reads 8:47 on the microwave, a spare fork lying on the counter, anywhere but her. There's a knock on the door and Gale rises to get it. He pulls open the door to reveal a middle aged woman, two teenage guys and a small girl behind them. They all resemble Gale in some way, the grey eyes, the black hair, the olive skin tone.<p>

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Gale asks as he moves out of the way to let them in.

"Just wanted to drop by for a visit that's all," She says and walks into the house. Her kids follow suit but all of them stop when their eyes land on me.

"Oh hello dear," She says, her motherly tone kicking in, "Who might you be?"

I stand up and immediately feel embarrassed as I'm only wearing Gale's shirt that practically looks like a dress on me and an orange thong. A slight blush appears on my face and I feel stupid because I'm a stripper, so why am I acting shy now?

I give a slight cough and mutter, "Peeta, I'm Peeta,"

"Well, hello," One of the guys says, eyeing me up and down as if I'm going to be his next meal. He looks to be about 14 or 15 and much to my disdain he is taller than me. His red jersey has the number 22 in bold white letters and fits him well. He even seems to be more muscular than I am. He must be a football quarterback or something, or a steroid abuser at least.

"Vick, cut it out, he's out of your league," the other boy says. He's tall, not Gale's height but still taller than me, and looks to be about 17 or 18. He has dark hair that flips up at the top of his head. His lithe body is clothed in all black, a leather jacket, tight black jeans, and a black tee shirt. His disposition gives me the impression that he is a "bad boy". Indifferent, hardly opens his mouth to speak, a cold stare, and a constant frown displayed on his lips.

"We'll see about that Rory," Vick mutters, flashing me a sly grin.

The girl steps right up to me with a big smile on her tiny cheeks, tinged red as she has just stepped out of the chilly outdoors.

"Hi Peeta, I'm Posy," she says in a high voice. She can't be much older than 6 or 7 and no child can get much cuter than her. A pink bow is pinned to her hair black hair in a ponytail. She wears a puffy pink jacket and tiny brown uggs fit on her small feet.

"Are you guys hungry?" Katniss asks, "I can set up a few more plates,"

"Sure, honey, that'd be great," Gale's mother says, laying her purse on the kitchen counter. I avert my eyes down and hurry past them up the stairs to find a pair of Gale's pants. Vick gives me a wink as I walk past him and I feel a shudder go down my spine.

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><p>"So Peeta, how do you know Gale?" Hazelle asks, smoothing strawberry jelly on a piece toast for Posy. Everyone at the table turns their eyes towards me and I feel heat creep up my neck above my collar. I rub my hands on my pants and pat my face with a crisp napkin.<p>

"Umm," I start, "We work together," I say stuffing more eggs into my mouth to stall time before she can ask me another question.

"Oh, so you're a body guard too?" Rory asks, taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Not exactly," a blush immediately hits my cheeks, but I continue, "I'm an exotic dancer,"

"You're a stripper?" Rory asks astonished, choking on his juice a little bit.

"That's hot," Vick blurts out, and Hazelle hits him upside the head.

"What's a stripper?" Posy asks innocently, and I blush even harder.

"Someone who has no dignity, so they have to expose their bodies to get the little amount of money that comes their way," Katniss says, and I feel a bullet launch from her cold her eyes.

"Katniss!—" Gale says, but I've already risen from the table. I throw my napkin on my plate and leave before the whole table erupts.

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><p>I hear someone knock on the door and before I tell them to go away, Rory pops his head in. I return my attention to the forest that lines my vision out of my window. I pull my legs tighter against my chest as I sit in a giant windowsill. Everywhere I go I catch nothing but drama. It's like a parasite that I can't kill off. I hear the door shut softly and footsteps making their way towards me.<p>

"I'm sorry," he says and I hear him sit on the edge of the bed, facing towards me.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one with all of the awful life choices," I mutter out and I look at him, but he avoids my eyes.

He sighs, "I was apologizing for my family," he quickly adds, "And for her,"

"Who is she to you?" I ask, although I don't want to hear the answer.

"My sister-in-law," he says and for some reason I feel a pang in my heart.

I turn my head back to stare out of the window and I watch the first snowflake drift down and land on the grass. _How did I get this low? Sleeping out of houses of people that I barely know. It could be worse. It was worse._

"So, how did you become…" I look back at Rory and see the way he fidgets with the tip of his shirt. He now has sudden interest on the wooden floor and I can tell that he is uncomfortable. That doesn't seem to stop his curiosity.

"A stripper?" I finish for him and he nods his head, his eyes still fixated on the floor.

"A little rabbit led me into a hole and I couldn't seem to find my way out," He looks up at me and I know that's not the answer he expected. "I thought it was a wonderland for a time, but that was fake. It turned out to be something worse and that," I pause and take a breath, "was actually real."

"Fuck," he breathes out, "That's—"

"It's whatever," I shrug my shoulders, close my eyes, and lean my head back on the wall. "It's only the truth."

An eerie silence sets over the room and I begin to drift off when I hear him getting up from the bed and walking over to me. He sits across from me and his shoes touch the tips of my toes. I stare at him and he stares back at me with same expression he had when walked into the house. I study his face and take note of how attractive he is. A sharp jawline that could cut a diamond, brown eyes that are unreadable, and a sense of maturity in his expression. The dark colors of his clothing contrasts with his pale white skin and pink lips. He has just enough muscle to not be considered skinny, but still not as buff as Gale or Vick.

"How old are you?" he asks, studying my face, estimating my age in his head.

"I'm 22,"

"Really?" His eyebrows knit close and I don't know why he seems to be confused.

"Really."

"You seem younger,"

"Do I?"

"You do,"

I look out the window again and see a bit more snow coming down. I hope it sticks, just so that I won't have to go into work tonight.

"How old are you?" I decide to ask.

"I'm 17, I'll be 18 in March,"

"My birthday is in March, too," I say, wondering what else we have in common.

"What day?"

"The 26th,"

"The 13th," He replies. We may be days a part but the things I've seen in my years, I hope he'll never have to experience.

Another silence ensues, but it's calming. I need a little peace once in a while.

"So," Rory starts out and I look at him expecting another question, "Are you gay?"

I wasn't expecting that.

I narrow my eyes at him, "And if I am?" I ask with a little heat rising in my voice, preparing for a battle to justify the homosexuals of the world.

"I'm gay," He says nonchalantly and I let my guard down a little bit.

"Figures," I say, looking back out the window.

"What do you mean?"

I focus my attention back to him, "The way you keep staring at me, it's easy to tell that you're gay," I say and his mouth hangs open a little bit. I can tell he doesn't know what to say so I crack a smirk. His face softens and he smirks back.

"I can't help it, you're undeniably beautiful," He cracks a smile and I laugh. I actually laugh. It's been so long since I've laughed. It feels good.

"Mr. Hawthorne, I didn't know you were such a flirt,"

"Oh, Peeta," He rises up getting into a new position and his face hovers over mine, "There's a lot you don't know about me," He leans down for a kiss, but Gale abruptly opens the door.

"Hey I was—" but Gale stops talking when he sees Rory crawling over me.

"What the hell?" He says and Rory immediately backs away.

"Gale I wasn't doing anything," Rory says, and I hear the little boy voice coming out of him, like a boy caught playing with his older brother's toy. In this case, the toy is me.

"It's time to go," Gale says and I can feel his sharp gaze penetrating Rory.

Rory gets up from on top of me and I feel bad for him. He must feel humiliated and I feel a brash of anger at Gale because Rory didn't do anything wrong.

Rory passes Gale, his head down, not even glancing back at me.

"You know you didn't need to do that," I say scolding and narrowing my eyes at him.

"Yeah, yeah," He says, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"C'mon," He says and gestures for me to follow him. But I don't.

"Where are we going?" I ask, still comfortable in my position.

"To your apartment, you're moving in with us."

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><p><em>Well, there's the first chapter. I hope you look forward to my updates with this story and my next story which will be called "Oxygen". It will be my first story from a different series (Percy Jackson). I've only written from Peeta's point of view, so it will be interesting to see how I will be looking through Percy's eyes. Please review the story, it really means a lot to hear feedback from you guys. Thankss, bankss.<em>


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